Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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