the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
