just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize