Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
3pm strippers are depressing
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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