In the future we'll all be gay
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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