Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
