Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize