i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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