Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
