She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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