can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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