I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
