I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
