Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
