Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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