what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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