I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
