She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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