i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I smell stomach acid.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
