Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
