forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
