He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
