its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
