It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
