Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
