Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
