hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize