She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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