you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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