I wish I could punch you in the face.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
