and i looked up. we had an audience...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
