Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
