oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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