come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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