i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
