girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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