i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
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