I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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