in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
