The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
