i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
