Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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