why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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