i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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