So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
