I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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