i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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