There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
