This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I fill condoms, not promises.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
