We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
