the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
