Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
