my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
