handjob tips. give me some.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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