You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
