I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
