i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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