YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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