She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
