so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
