i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
