Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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