Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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