I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
