How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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