I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
